Grief Do's and Don'ts 

Do's and don’ts to ease the grief of others:
 
 
Don’t hold back; be spontaneous. A sign that you care is enormous comfort. Even if you fumble and stumble for words, the effort shows through.
 
Do go straight to the home of the bereaved person if you can. You may or may not be asked in, but your gesture will be greatly appreciated.
 
Do take a few flowers if possible. Their beauty helps to heal.
 
Do be brave enough to face tears. The bereaved person is suffering agonies of irreparable loss. The least you can do is suffer a few tears. Don’t be ashamed if you cry too; it will only show your sympathy.
 
Do if you can, touch the bereaved person. This is a very basic and primitive gesture of sympathy, and it helps. A warm hug, a brief squeeze of the elbow or a hand clasp; whatever feels appropriate and natural.
 
Do say something but avoid fancy speeches and cliches. ‘I’m so sorry’ or ‘There is nothing I can say’ is fine.
 
Do telephone. Give the bereaved chance to talk, listen patiently.
 
Do write; a card or letter but say that you don’t expect an answer. Avoid long winded or pretentious letters. Short and spontaneous is what’s appreciated.
 
Do offer food; to either deliver a meal or invite them to eat with you. Cooking will be the last thing on their minds.
 
Do offer to bring shopping when you go for yours.
 
Do keep in touch; once the funeral is over the grief continues.
 
Don’t be frightened of coming face to face with a newly bereaved person. Make eye contact.
 
Don’t leave the bereaved person in the awkward position of wondering whether you have heard the news or not. Acknowledge their loss by saying something like, ‘I/we were so sorry to hear….’.
 
 
Easing grief by Amber Lloyd, 2013: CPJ Field & Co Ltd.